We just had a huge meal, I proudly helped to cook for new friends - I just met yesterday.
The party is going on outside, the music is loud and the drinks are rolling like there is no tomorrow.
But I'm inside momentarily, having a moment for myself. Inevitably in Christmas time, a loving spirit takes over me and I take my time to think about and remember all my loved ones.
No matter how close or how far - they're all in my mind and especially in my heart.
This year I made a special x'mas card for my loved ones. I wrote them my wishes on the sands of a beautiful beach I was in India and took a picture of it.
Then I emailed it to them.
And must say I'm amazed at some of the responses I got.
I'm so blessed to have so many special people on my life!!! I could not be thankful enough.
However it still hurts me to realize that some people I care so much for, don't seem to feel the same way.
Time is a very precious thing in our day to day lives, we all know that. But when we truly care and we want to, we can ALWAYS find a spare minute for our dear ones.
Hope you all will never forget that.
So in the spirit of Christmas, if you care for someone, spare a second of your life to let them know how you feel. You never know, but it could mean the world to the person you tell this to.
Happy holidays!
With love... always.
24 December 2011
18 December 2011
OM
Just wanted to share the following exerpt from Hermann Hesse's book, Siddhartha, that I shared as a morning reading with my yoga group last Friday.
Siddhartha made an effort to listen better. The image of his father,
his own image, the image of his son merged, Kamala's image also appeared
and was dispersed, and the image of Govinda, and other images, and they
merged with each other, turned all into the river, headed all, being the
river, for the goal, longing, desiring, suffering, and the river's voice
sounded full of yearning, full of burning woe, full of unsatisfiable
desire. For the goal, the river was heading, Siddhartha saw it
hurrying, the river, which consisted of him and his loved ones and of
all people, he had ever seen, all of these waves and waters were
hurrying, suffering, towards goals, many goals, the waterfall, the lake,
the rapids, the sea, and all goals were reached, and every goal was
followed by a new one, and the water turned into vapour and rose to the
sky, turned into rain and poured down from the sky, turned into a
source, a stream, a river, headed forward once again, flowed on once
again. But the longing voice had changed. It still resounded, full of
suffering, searching, but other voices joined it, voices of joy and of
suffering, good and bad voices, laughing and sad ones, a hundred voices,
a thousand voices.
Siddhartha listened. He was now nothing but a listener, completely
concentrated on listening, completely empty, he felt, that he had now
finished learning to listen. Often before, he had heard all this, these
many voices in the river, today it sounded new. Already, he could no
longer tell the many voices apart, not the happy ones from the weeping
ones, not the ones of children from those of men, they all belonged
together, the lamentation of yearning and the laughter of the
knowledgeable one, the scream of rage and the moaning of the dying ones,
everything was one, everything was intertwined and connected, entangled
a thousand times. And everything together, all voices, all goals, all
yearning, all suffering, all pleasure, all that was good and evil, all
of this together was the world. All of it together was the flow of
events, was the music of life. And when Siddhartha was listening
attentively to this river, this song of a thousand voices, when he
neither listened to the suffering nor the laughter, when he did not tie
his soul to any particular voice and submerged his self into it, but
when he heard them all, perceived the whole, the oneness, then the great
song of the thousand voices consisted of a single word, which was Om:
the perfection.
Siddhartha made an effort to listen better. The image of his father,
his own image, the image of his son merged, Kamala's image also appeared
and was dispersed, and the image of Govinda, and other images, and they
merged with each other, turned all into the river, headed all, being the
river, for the goal, longing, desiring, suffering, and the river's voice
sounded full of yearning, full of burning woe, full of unsatisfiable
desire. For the goal, the river was heading, Siddhartha saw it
hurrying, the river, which consisted of him and his loved ones and of
all people, he had ever seen, all of these waves and waters were
hurrying, suffering, towards goals, many goals, the waterfall, the lake,
the rapids, the sea, and all goals were reached, and every goal was
followed by a new one, and the water turned into vapour and rose to the
sky, turned into rain and poured down from the sky, turned into a
source, a stream, a river, headed forward once again, flowed on once
again. But the longing voice had changed. It still resounded, full of
suffering, searching, but other voices joined it, voices of joy and of
suffering, good and bad voices, laughing and sad ones, a hundred voices,
a thousand voices.
Siddhartha listened. He was now nothing but a listener, completely
concentrated on listening, completely empty, he felt, that he had now
finished learning to listen. Often before, he had heard all this, these
many voices in the river, today it sounded new. Already, he could no
longer tell the many voices apart, not the happy ones from the weeping
ones, not the ones of children from those of men, they all belonged
together, the lamentation of yearning and the laughter of the
knowledgeable one, the scream of rage and the moaning of the dying ones,
everything was one, everything was intertwined and connected, entangled
a thousand times. And everything together, all voices, all goals, all
yearning, all suffering, all pleasure, all that was good and evil, all
of this together was the world. All of it together was the flow of
events, was the music of life. And when Siddhartha was listening
attentively to this river, this song of a thousand voices, when he
neither listened to the suffering nor the laughter, when he did not tie
his soul to any particular voice and submerged his self into it, but
when he heard them all, perceived the whole, the oneness, then the great
song of the thousand voices consisted of a single word, which was Om:
the perfection.
11 December 2011
29 November 2011
Here I am in my beehive style bangalow in Goa, India on my break between classes and lectures of a yoga teacher training course I decided to take.
When I signed up for this, I thought I knew what I was doing. I was looking for some meditation time, some yoga practice and more spiritual knowledge I guess. I was looking for a place and time and especially the means I guess to help me center myself, bring me back to my innerself, hoping it would help me in my journey and this constant struggle I've been going through trying to figure out what I want and what is happiness.
I'm just over a week into the course (which lasts 4 weeks) and so far all I found was pain! And a frog in my room...
Jokes apart, I think I might have taken a step way too big for my legs coming here. And even though yoga is all about acceptance - I will not lie, I'm seriously struggling.
For starters I'm physically not fit enough for this, which doesn't help because I get easily exhausted and sore. On top of that the daily meditation, breathing exercises and asana practices are having much more powerful effects on me that I would have ever dreamed of. And more often than I wish, I find myself very emotionally unstable and frustrated.
So as we finished the morning practices and lectures today I came back to my room thinking whether or not this really made sense. When I took off all I was looking for was a chance to step away from the hectic life I was leading, relax and enjoy myself. And I thought this course would help me lead into that direction.
But it does not seem to be doing that at all, especially the relaxing part of it!!!
It is however taking me further down that very slow and painful path of self discovery - and in an unvelievably high speed.
And here is one of my first realizations.
I thought that by just escaping the lifestyle and environment I was living in, I would automatically get rid of most of the things that bothered me.
But it's not that simple.
True that I don't have to care now about what is happening to the FTSE indices and share prices of different companies. Nor does it ruim my day if some world leader made a negative statement about the economic outlook or a rating agency decided to donwgrade the sovereign risk profile of any south European countries.
I don't have to worry about if and how that can potentially impact the market and the company I worked for and have an agreed speech with top management about how to answer that question.
I don't have to care about ANY of these things that I believed were my sources of stress.
Yet, I still feel somehow stressed and tense. Biggest proof of that being that my neck and shoulders continue as stiff as they used to be when I was working in the office.
Now who can explain that?!?!?!
I've spent some time over the past couple of days thinking about it and I still don't have an answer.
Maybe we internalize the stress so much to the extent that it becomes usual to live under such circumstances. And when the "original" sources of stress disappear, we find new ones to replace them so that we can remain in a "comfortable" and well known place.
Or maybe we just have that stressfull characteristic innate to us.
I don't know.
All I know now is that things will not get sorted and better overnight as I had hoped it would.
And that getting out of our comfort zone - no matter how bad and stressfull that comfort zone may be - is extremely difficult.
And in this particular case also quite physically painful too!
When I signed up for this, I thought I knew what I was doing. I was looking for some meditation time, some yoga practice and more spiritual knowledge I guess. I was looking for a place and time and especially the means I guess to help me center myself, bring me back to my innerself, hoping it would help me in my journey and this constant struggle I've been going through trying to figure out what I want and what is happiness.
I'm just over a week into the course (which lasts 4 weeks) and so far all I found was pain! And a frog in my room...
Jokes apart, I think I might have taken a step way too big for my legs coming here. And even though yoga is all about acceptance - I will not lie, I'm seriously struggling.
For starters I'm physically not fit enough for this, which doesn't help because I get easily exhausted and sore. On top of that the daily meditation, breathing exercises and asana practices are having much more powerful effects on me that I would have ever dreamed of. And more often than I wish, I find myself very emotionally unstable and frustrated.
So as we finished the morning practices and lectures today I came back to my room thinking whether or not this really made sense. When I took off all I was looking for was a chance to step away from the hectic life I was leading, relax and enjoy myself. And I thought this course would help me lead into that direction.
But it does not seem to be doing that at all, especially the relaxing part of it!!!
It is however taking me further down that very slow and painful path of self discovery - and in an unvelievably high speed.
And here is one of my first realizations.
I thought that by just escaping the lifestyle and environment I was living in, I would automatically get rid of most of the things that bothered me.
But it's not that simple.
True that I don't have to care now about what is happening to the FTSE indices and share prices of different companies. Nor does it ruim my day if some world leader made a negative statement about the economic outlook or a rating agency decided to donwgrade the sovereign risk profile of any south European countries.
I don't have to worry about if and how that can potentially impact the market and the company I worked for and have an agreed speech with top management about how to answer that question.
I don't have to care about ANY of these things that I believed were my sources of stress.
Yet, I still feel somehow stressed and tense. Biggest proof of that being that my neck and shoulders continue as stiff as they used to be when I was working in the office.
Now who can explain that?!?!?!
I've spent some time over the past couple of days thinking about it and I still don't have an answer.
Maybe we internalize the stress so much to the extent that it becomes usual to live under such circumstances. And when the "original" sources of stress disappear, we find new ones to replace them so that we can remain in a "comfortable" and well known place.
Or maybe we just have that stressfull characteristic innate to us.
I don't know.
All I know now is that things will not get sorted and better overnight as I had hoped it would.
And that getting out of our comfort zone - no matter how bad and stressfull that comfort zone may be - is extremely difficult.
And in this particular case also quite physically painful too!
12 November 2011
Letting go is much harder than it seems
I never thought it would be easy, but guess I never thought it would be so hard.
It's very difficult to explain and I'm not even going to try to put my feelings into words because I know it's gonna sound pathetic, won't make sense and will not adequately reflect what it should.
But I'll give you something easier to see and understand, which is very real, as an example of it all.
My suitcase!
I initially was planning to bring a suitcase I had at home and a relatively large carry on - after all it's things I need for the next 6 months or so.
Then I started realizing I didn't really NEED anything, and I should be practical and bring along with me as little as possible.
So I picked a small backpack as my carry on and bought a convertible backpack to be my suitcase. For those of you who have backpacked before, mind you this is actually a big backpack, fits 80 liters.
As I started emptying my closets and boxing things to go into storage, I separated the things I would initially like to bring along on the trip. At this point I already knew that as little as I managed to separate I would have to cut it down and re-pack a few more times before taking off.
And I did.
But my mistake was that I never really tried fitting everything into the bags until the very last minute. And on the morning of my flight, guess what?
I had too much.
In the rush of the moment, I panick packed. I opened up another box to go into storage in which I just kept throwing things randomly, while I secretely prayed that I wouldn't think of those items at some point in the trip and regret not having brought it along...
Of course, I still didn't manage to fit everything and a small foldable bag that was supposed to be only used towards the end of the trip as I started accumulating new stuff I would get along the way, left the Netherlands full...
I looked like chaos in person when I got to the airport.
But checked in the backpack and the yoga mat (forgot to mention that earlier) and still had my purse, a backpack and another bag with me as carry on.
Arriving in Dubai, after I picked up my checked in luggage I felt like one of those bag carrying donkeys. And trust me it was pretty heavy to carry all those bags around.
I drove to the hotel determined to unpack and repack everything, leaving a good chunk of it behind.
Tomorrow I leave again to India. Will once again have to do the bag carrying saga.
I unpacked and repacked.
Guess how many things I managed to get rid of?
A small mirror and a little free sample bottle of eye cream...
This time, there was no panick packing. I just really NEED everything.
So you're thinking, what does she have in her bags that is so damn important?
The answer is not a lot actually. And I do know I don't need half of the stuff. But I just cannot bring myself to let it go.
Not yet at least.
So long story short:
I decided to be patient, and give myself some time and space to get used to this "new lifestyle".
Eventually I'll learn to let go. Either by overcoming the psychological barrier. Or by being physically exhausted of carrying so much weight around.
It's very difficult to explain and I'm not even going to try to put my feelings into words because I know it's gonna sound pathetic, won't make sense and will not adequately reflect what it should.
But I'll give you something easier to see and understand, which is very real, as an example of it all.
My suitcase!
I initially was planning to bring a suitcase I had at home and a relatively large carry on - after all it's things I need for the next 6 months or so.
Then I started realizing I didn't really NEED anything, and I should be practical and bring along with me as little as possible.
So I picked a small backpack as my carry on and bought a convertible backpack to be my suitcase. For those of you who have backpacked before, mind you this is actually a big backpack, fits 80 liters.
As I started emptying my closets and boxing things to go into storage, I separated the things I would initially like to bring along on the trip. At this point I already knew that as little as I managed to separate I would have to cut it down and re-pack a few more times before taking off.
And I did.
But my mistake was that I never really tried fitting everything into the bags until the very last minute. And on the morning of my flight, guess what?
I had too much.
In the rush of the moment, I panick packed. I opened up another box to go into storage in which I just kept throwing things randomly, while I secretely prayed that I wouldn't think of those items at some point in the trip and regret not having brought it along...
Of course, I still didn't manage to fit everything and a small foldable bag that was supposed to be only used towards the end of the trip as I started accumulating new stuff I would get along the way, left the Netherlands full...
I looked like chaos in person when I got to the airport.
But checked in the backpack and the yoga mat (forgot to mention that earlier) and still had my purse, a backpack and another bag with me as carry on.
Arriving in Dubai, after I picked up my checked in luggage I felt like one of those bag carrying donkeys. And trust me it was pretty heavy to carry all those bags around.
I drove to the hotel determined to unpack and repack everything, leaving a good chunk of it behind.
Tomorrow I leave again to India. Will once again have to do the bag carrying saga.
I unpacked and repacked.
Guess how many things I managed to get rid of?
A small mirror and a little free sample bottle of eye cream...
This time, there was no panick packing. I just really NEED everything.
So you're thinking, what does she have in her bags that is so damn important?
The answer is not a lot actually. And I do know I don't need half of the stuff. But I just cannot bring myself to let it go.
Not yet at least.
So long story short:
I decided to be patient, and give myself some time and space to get used to this "new lifestyle".
Eventually I'll learn to let go. Either by overcoming the psychological barrier. Or by being physically exhausted of carrying so much weight around.
24 October 2011
Last day in the office
Weird… Very very weird.
That's all I can say about how I feel now.
This is not the first time I clean my desk, pack my things and move on.
It's not the first job I leave behind.
Somehow this one feels very different though.
Maybe it's because I'm heading into the unknown.
Maybe it's because I really really enjoyed this particular job and role.
Maybe because I know I'll miss it at times, especially the people I worked with.
Maybe because this one was a personal victory and the sense of accomplishment is very strong.
Maybe because I'm just a sentimental idiot.
Maybe maybe maybe…
I leave my empty desk behind with tears in my eyes and a shy smile on my face.
That's all I can say about how I feel now.
This is not the first time I clean my desk, pack my things and move on.
It's not the first job I leave behind.
Somehow this one feels very different though.
Maybe it's because I'm heading into the unknown.
Maybe it's because I really really enjoyed this particular job and role.
Maybe because I know I'll miss it at times, especially the people I worked with.
Maybe because this one was a personal victory and the sense of accomplishment is very strong.
Maybe because I'm just a sentimental idiot.
Maybe maybe maybe…
I leave my empty desk behind with tears in my eyes and a shy smile on my face.
13 October 2011
Perspectives
So I had to stop what I was doing and come to the computer to write this entry before it's gone...
Here I am, 'cleaning' out the house and organizing my stuff as I'm about to move away from this country and I found this notebook hidden on the back of the little stand I have next to my bed.
This little notebook was a diary I tried to start in February 2010.
I started reading the few entries I had written and oh my gosh...
I didn't know whether I should be laughing my ass off or if I should be crying of pity for myself.
It seems I was a bit, well, very depressed back then.
I think in almost every page I had written I had something like, I hate myself, I'm a pathetic loser, nobody loves me, etc etc etc.
I was writing as if my life was coming to an end and I had to get used to the fact that I was never gonna be happy...
HOW F...ING DRAMATIC!!!
My life didn't come to an end and it's not about to (I hope!). I'm actually just about to start over in a way.
Back then I never thought it would be possible I guess to be where I am now.
It's weird how when we're sad and feeling sorry for ourselves how much worse we make things look.
Now I realize that all of that was just in my imagination. Not even half of it was real. But back then it all felt very much real.
I think I need to apologize to some people I might have hurt back then due to what I was going through. Also realize why some people made it their business to stay away from me - I don't blame them, I would too if I were them.
I probably also owe a particular someone some explanation as to why I was acting so crazy.
But then again maybe he already knows!
Anyways, point is: things are never as bad as we think they are.
We tend to make them look much worse.
It sucks that we can only see that in hindsight. Maybe it's because we need to go through all that drama to value more what comes next.
But from now on, I think we should all start giving ourselves a little more credit (and by us I mean ME!)
Here I am, 'cleaning' out the house and organizing my stuff as I'm about to move away from this country and I found this notebook hidden on the back of the little stand I have next to my bed.
This little notebook was a diary I tried to start in February 2010.
I started reading the few entries I had written and oh my gosh...
I didn't know whether I should be laughing my ass off or if I should be crying of pity for myself.
It seems I was a bit, well, very depressed back then.
I think in almost every page I had written I had something like, I hate myself, I'm a pathetic loser, nobody loves me, etc etc etc.
I was writing as if my life was coming to an end and I had to get used to the fact that I was never gonna be happy...
HOW F...ING DRAMATIC!!!
My life didn't come to an end and it's not about to (I hope!). I'm actually just about to start over in a way.
Back then I never thought it would be possible I guess to be where I am now.
It's weird how when we're sad and feeling sorry for ourselves how much worse we make things look.
Now I realize that all of that was just in my imagination. Not even half of it was real. But back then it all felt very much real.
I think I need to apologize to some people I might have hurt back then due to what I was going through. Also realize why some people made it their business to stay away from me - I don't blame them, I would too if I were them.
I probably also owe a particular someone some explanation as to why I was acting so crazy.
But then again maybe he already knows!
Anyways, point is: things are never as bad as we think they are.
We tend to make them look much worse.
It sucks that we can only see that in hindsight. Maybe it's because we need to go through all that drama to value more what comes next.
But from now on, I think we should all start giving ourselves a little more credit (and by us I mean ME!)
04 October 2011
O que é um sabático?
Para quem não conhece esse termo, achei essa definição na internet e gostei. Então resolvi compartilhar!
O sabático é um período de afastamento do trabalho que uma pessoa utiliza para refletir sobre a sua vida e a sua carreira. A prática é antiga e ainda é utilizada por empresas que acreditam que ela aumenta a produtividade do executivo.
A interrupção é programada, remunerada ou não, e sem relação com as férias. "O sabático funciona, desde que exista a consciência de que a empregabilidade está muito mais relacionada com o prazer de fazer algo do que com habilidades", acredita Paulo Celso Foganholo, diretor de Recursos Humanos para América Latina da Firmenich. E aderir ao sabático requer planejamento e força de vontade. "Não existe uma duração determinada para o sabático: alguns executivos se mantêm afastados da empresa por cerca de seis meses, por exemplo."
Segundo Paulo, o sabático é geralmente o tempo que dedicamos para fazer algo adiado com freqüência, seja ler livros, viajar ou simplesmente dedicar mais tempo à família.
O sabático é um período de afastamento do trabalho que uma pessoa utiliza para refletir sobre a sua vida e a sua carreira. A prática é antiga e ainda é utilizada por empresas que acreditam que ela aumenta a produtividade do executivo.
A interrupção é programada, remunerada ou não, e sem relação com as férias. "O sabático funciona, desde que exista a consciência de que a empregabilidade está muito mais relacionada com o prazer de fazer algo do que com habilidades", acredita Paulo Celso Foganholo, diretor de Recursos Humanos para América Latina da Firmenich. E aderir ao sabático requer planejamento e força de vontade. "Não existe uma duração determinada para o sabático: alguns executivos se mantêm afastados da empresa por cerca de seis meses, por exemplo."
Segundo Paulo, o sabático é geralmente o tempo que dedicamos para fazer algo adiado com freqüência, seja ler livros, viajar ou simplesmente dedicar mais tempo à família.
28 September 2011
General update
OK OK OK!!!
I realize I haven't really told everyone what's going on so I figured a general update is in order.
So after 5 years living in Amsterdam and the past 3 and 1/2 on this job, I've decided it's time for a change. But not change for the sake of change.
This all started a good year and half ago I think, when I started getting this urge for change in my life. Many possibilities were entertained, such as: new apartment, buying a scooter, buying a new bike, buying my own apartment, redecorating my apartment, moving cities, moving jobs, going back to dancing, going back to acting, cooking course, photography course, running, ... and many others I don't even remember anymore. Truth is I would get excited about all of those ideas for a couple of days only, some for a bit longer, maybe a couple of weeks. But nothing really stuck. Nothing made me feel satisfied and happy really - so I kept exploring ideas.
Until the idea of a sabbatical crossed my mind.
For those of you, who just like me, were born and raised in Brasil or any other emerging economy (think that's what we call ourselves these days right?) know very well that there is no such thing as a sabbatical.
The minute you leave the job market you're as good as out. Try spending 6 months planting trees in some remote area of the planet and come back to do a job interview. It will go more or less like this:
"Thank you for your time. You are very well qualified and had great experience in the past. But I'm afraid you have been away from the markets for too long and are no longer up to speed with it. Difficult to position that. But we will keep you in mind and give you a call ok?"
haha
Well, I must say one of the benefits of having lived and worked in Europe is that you see that life is not exactly like that. And believe it or not, it is possible to stay away from the "markets" for a year or so and come back to it just as good and with the same attributes and qualities you always had. You may be a little rusty, yeah ok. Might need to read one more paper than your colleagues to keep up, fine. But it's not the end of the world. Little less your career!
Well, it can be. Mostly if you would like it to. But not necessarily.
So I started playing around with this idea...
WHAT IF I DECIDED TO TAKE A SABBATICAL?
And the more I thought about it, the more the butterflies in my stomach got agitated. And I'll confess I love it when those butterflies are flying around madly in my stomach!
Then on the spur of the moment I took a short trip to Mykonos in Greece with a couple of friends. Long weekend kind of thing. And it was just what I needed to finally make me realize that this was it. That was what I had to do next and I knew it, I had known for a long time...
But now was the time to finally admit to myself, stop being scared shitless of what would, could, should happen and DO IT!!!
So I'm doing it.
I'm quitting my job as per the end of October and I'll spend some time traveling around.
Not sure at this point for how long exactly. And also not sure where I'll travel to (apart from initial destinations - but I'll do a separate post about that later).
And most importantly absolutely clueless of what will happen and where I'll end up when this is over.
And that's the beauty of it. It's the complete and absolute FREEDOM to go wherever I feel like and do whatever I want.
Never thought I'd have the chance, little less the guts, to do something like this.
But it's happening.
And it's getting more and more real by the minute!
More updates to follow soon.
I realize I haven't really told everyone what's going on so I figured a general update is in order.
So after 5 years living in Amsterdam and the past 3 and 1/2 on this job, I've decided it's time for a change. But not change for the sake of change.
This all started a good year and half ago I think, when I started getting this urge for change in my life. Many possibilities were entertained, such as: new apartment, buying a scooter, buying a new bike, buying my own apartment, redecorating my apartment, moving cities, moving jobs, going back to dancing, going back to acting, cooking course, photography course, running, ... and many others I don't even remember anymore. Truth is I would get excited about all of those ideas for a couple of days only, some for a bit longer, maybe a couple of weeks. But nothing really stuck. Nothing made me feel satisfied and happy really - so I kept exploring ideas.
Until the idea of a sabbatical crossed my mind.
For those of you, who just like me, were born and raised in Brasil or any other emerging economy (think that's what we call ourselves these days right?) know very well that there is no such thing as a sabbatical.
The minute you leave the job market you're as good as out. Try spending 6 months planting trees in some remote area of the planet and come back to do a job interview. It will go more or less like this:
"Thank you for your time. You are very well qualified and had great experience in the past. But I'm afraid you have been away from the markets for too long and are no longer up to speed with it. Difficult to position that. But we will keep you in mind and give you a call ok?"
haha
Well, I must say one of the benefits of having lived and worked in Europe is that you see that life is not exactly like that. And believe it or not, it is possible to stay away from the "markets" for a year or so and come back to it just as good and with the same attributes and qualities you always had. You may be a little rusty, yeah ok. Might need to read one more paper than your colleagues to keep up, fine. But it's not the end of the world. Little less your career!
Well, it can be. Mostly if you would like it to. But not necessarily.
So I started playing around with this idea...
WHAT IF I DECIDED TO TAKE A SABBATICAL?
And the more I thought about it, the more the butterflies in my stomach got agitated. And I'll confess I love it when those butterflies are flying around madly in my stomach!
Then on the spur of the moment I took a short trip to Mykonos in Greece with a couple of friends. Long weekend kind of thing. And it was just what I needed to finally make me realize that this was it. That was what I had to do next and I knew it, I had known for a long time...
But now was the time to finally admit to myself, stop being scared shitless of what would, could, should happen and DO IT!!!
So I'm doing it.
I'm quitting my job as per the end of October and I'll spend some time traveling around.
Not sure at this point for how long exactly. And also not sure where I'll travel to (apart from initial destinations - but I'll do a separate post about that later).
And most importantly absolutely clueless of what will happen and where I'll end up when this is over.
And that's the beauty of it. It's the complete and absolute FREEDOM to go wherever I feel like and do whatever I want.
Never thought I'd have the chance, little less the guts, to do something like this.
But it's happening.
And it's getting more and more real by the minute!
More updates to follow soon.
17 September 2011
Enjoy yourself
So... Yesterday I handed in my resignation letter.
It doesn't get any more official than this!!!
And just as I was starting to get cold feet, I found myself in a church...
Which is now a concert hall/nightclub (Paradiso, for those of you who know Amsterdam!) to see The Specials (hehehe)
And, they kicked off the show with this song:
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Hello, I'm Terry, and I'm going to enjoy myself first
It's good to be wise when you're young
'Cos you can only be young but the once
Enjoy yourself and have lots of fun
So glad and live life longer than you've ever done
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Never right, yes I know
Get wisdom, get knowledge and understanding
These three, were given free by the maker
Go to school, learn the rules, don't be no faker
It's not wise for you to be a foot stool
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
I think it was a sign!
And that's why this blog will now be called Njoy yourself, cuz it's later than you think!
Very special thank you to Leo Diogo (vulgo Supla) for introducing me to The Specials back in 2001 ;-)
It doesn't get any more official than this!!!
And just as I was starting to get cold feet, I found myself in a church...
Which is now a concert hall/nightclub (Paradiso, for those of you who know Amsterdam!) to see The Specials (hehehe)
And, they kicked off the show with this song:
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Hello, I'm Terry, and I'm going to enjoy myself first
It's good to be wise when you're young
'Cos you can only be young but the once
Enjoy yourself and have lots of fun
So glad and live life longer than you've ever done
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Never right, yes I know
Get wisdom, get knowledge and understanding
These three, were given free by the maker
Go to school, learn the rules, don't be no faker
It's not wise for you to be a foot stool
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
I think it was a sign!
And that's why this blog will now be called Njoy yourself, cuz it's later than you think!
Very special thank you to Leo Diogo (vulgo Supla) for introducing me to The Specials back in 2001 ;-)
06 September 2011
Andar com fé eu vou
Andar com fé eu vou
Que a fé não costuma faiá...
Que a fé tá na mulher
A fé tá na cobra coral
Ôô, num pedaço de pão
A fé tá na maré
Tá na lâmina de um punhal
Ôô, na luz, na escuridão
Andar com fé eu vou
Que a fé não costuma faiá...
Que a fé tá na manhã
A fé tá no anoitecer
Ôô, no calor do verão
A fé tá viva e sã
A fé também tá pra morrer
Ôô, triste na solidão
Andar com fé eu vou
Que a fé não costuma faiá...
Certo ou errado até
A fé vai onde quer que eu vá
Ôô, a pé ou de avião
Mesmo a quem não tem fé
A fé costuma acompanhar
Ôô, pelo sim, pelo não
Gilberto Gil
Que a fé não costuma faiá...
Que a fé tá na mulher
A fé tá na cobra coral
Ôô, num pedaço de pão
A fé tá na maré
Tá na lâmina de um punhal
Ôô, na luz, na escuridão
Andar com fé eu vou
Que a fé não costuma faiá...
Que a fé tá na manhã
A fé tá no anoitecer
Ôô, no calor do verão
A fé tá viva e sã
A fé também tá pra morrer
Ôô, triste na solidão
Andar com fé eu vou
Que a fé não costuma faiá...
Certo ou errado até
A fé vai onde quer que eu vá
Ôô, a pé ou de avião
Mesmo a quem não tem fé
A fé costuma acompanhar
Ôô, pelo sim, pelo não
Gilberto Gil
19 August 2011
What happens when we figure out the answer?
We struggle so much in finding out the right questions to ask.
Then we struggle even more trying to figure out the answers.
And then one rainy day we wake up and things are so clear! How could I not have realized this before? It was right there, under my nose the whole time and it took me forever to see it!!!!
You feel a little stupid...
But excited at the same time.
And then you are overtaken by all these weird feelings. The butterflies come back to life in your stomach. You are happy, but crying a little at the same time. You're excited, but scared shitless. You're filled with this renewed energy and at the same time you are frozen and can't do anything.
Then you take a deep breath.
Yes, I'm just breathing now. And it feels pretty damn good!
Every decision we make, we are bound to give up something else which is just as important as that other something you decided to go after.
Choices are never easy to make. They never were and they never will be.
Doesn't matter how old, or experienced, or mature we get to be - choosing between 2 different things is always gonna be HARD.
But the more we go through this process, the less painful it becomes.
What I can tell you is that I recently learned, that the older I get, the easier it is for me to come to peace with the choices I make. And I think that's one of life's secrets to happiness!
I just recently made a HUGE life decision (you will all know in due course, I promise!)
It took me a long time, and lots of sleepless nights to get there - but I finally build up the guts and did it.
And you wanna know how I came to my conclusion to decide for what I did?
It was when I managed to come to peace with myself and accept that if everything went wrong and I ended up in the worst of worlds, I could still live with that. And I would be happy!
And that's I guess how you know you made the right choice!
:-)
Then we struggle even more trying to figure out the answers.
And then one rainy day we wake up and things are so clear! How could I not have realized this before? It was right there, under my nose the whole time and it took me forever to see it!!!!
You feel a little stupid...
But excited at the same time.
And then you are overtaken by all these weird feelings. The butterflies come back to life in your stomach. You are happy, but crying a little at the same time. You're excited, but scared shitless. You're filled with this renewed energy and at the same time you are frozen and can't do anything.
Then you take a deep breath.
Yes, I'm just breathing now. And it feels pretty damn good!
Every decision we make, we are bound to give up something else which is just as important as that other something you decided to go after.
Choices are never easy to make. They never were and they never will be.
Doesn't matter how old, or experienced, or mature we get to be - choosing between 2 different things is always gonna be HARD.
But the more we go through this process, the less painful it becomes.
What I can tell you is that I recently learned, that the older I get, the easier it is for me to come to peace with the choices I make. And I think that's one of life's secrets to happiness!
I just recently made a HUGE life decision (you will all know in due course, I promise!)
It took me a long time, and lots of sleepless nights to get there - but I finally build up the guts and did it.
And you wanna know how I came to my conclusion to decide for what I did?
It was when I managed to come to peace with myself and accept that if everything went wrong and I ended up in the worst of worlds, I could still live with that. And I would be happy!
And that's I guess how you know you made the right choice!
:-)
03 August 2011
New friends, new lessons
I just came back from a short holiday in the Greek islands.
Had an amazing time in the sun and on the beach there. Relaxed and enjoyed myself very much.
Also had the chance to meet a lot of new people. Some really wonderful people!
And all I'll say for now is that new friends are always good.
They help us see things differently, refresh our views in many ways.
And I have a lot to thank my new found friends in this trip to Greece.
I'll share more in the coming days with you all, but for now I'll leave you with this:
"Asking the right questions is half way to finding the answers."
Had an amazing time in the sun and on the beach there. Relaxed and enjoyed myself very much.
Also had the chance to meet a lot of new people. Some really wonderful people!
And all I'll say for now is that new friends are always good.
They help us see things differently, refresh our views in many ways.
And I have a lot to thank my new found friends in this trip to Greece.
I'll share more in the coming days with you all, but for now I'll leave you with this:
"Asking the right questions is half way to finding the answers."
26 July 2011
Seven lessons I learned about life
This post is not written by me.
This is part of an article I just read and thought I'd share.
It was written by Tina Pennington (aka Red) and it's a bit about the book she wrote with her sister, Mandy Williams (aka Black). The book is called What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired! a real approach to personal finance and prioritizing your life.
And here are the 7 lessons
Seven Lessons
During my crisis, I put together a list I could review whenever I needed help remembering the glass is half-full. It's as applicable today as it was when I first wrote it. Hopefully it can help you navigate any crisis you find yourself in.
1. Take My Head Out of the Sand
Whether financial or personal — avoiding the truth won’t change the facts. It certainly will NOT make the situation better. Nor will it make the situation go away. Problems will lie dormant only until such time as they’re too big to continue ignoring. Acknowledging a problem (and the earlier, the better) is a HUGE first step towards doing something positive.
2. Eat the Elephant One Bite at a Time
This applies to many large issues or projects. Situations which become bigger the longer I delay addressing them. Which then can become another excuse for not dealing with them. A vicious circle! But I can tackle/deal with/solve anything; I CAN eat an elephant, just not all at one time. I initially applied this concept to our financial situation and later used it for less urgent projects, such as my daughter’s scrapbooks. Now I find myself using this concept whenever I have large tasks to tackle that in the past I’d have kept postponing, such as the growing mountain range of paper in my “workroom”.
3. Communication Includes Dialogue
My sister and I talk a lot about communication in our book, and there’s no question that it’s absolutely critical to any relationship. But now I’ve added the word “dialogue.” A cooperative spouse is great, or a close friend, a sister — anyone who will listen and be available to bounce ideas around. Few of us want to go through life alone, but communication becomes even more important during a crisis, yet often that’s when we feel most alone. I’m lucky to have Black in my life, but if I didn’t there are support groups. I would never try to get through a crisis alone.
4. Be Honest with the Mirror
I made a commitment that I’ll try to be honest with myself — about what’s important to me, what will make me happy (I don’t mean winning the lottery), what I want from life. I need to be open to the thoughts of friends and family (NOT society at large) about what’s important to them, but I treat them as a “menu of options” — not definitive answers. And I remind myself that when I think the grass might be greener somewhere else, in reality I may be looking at Astroturf.
5. It’s Just Stuff And Fluff
Spending time and money chasing “things” is a waste of time and money. (Beyond basic needs, of course.) Besides, it isn’t a good example to set for children — especially since they learn more by “Monkey see — Monkey do” than they do by “Do as I say, not as I do.” At the end of the day, the most important things are my beliefs, my values, my priorities, my loved ones, my memories. The things money can’t buy. The rest is just fluff.
6. Slow Down and Enjoy
Life can change in an instant — a spouse gets fired, a family member gets seriously ill, a loved one dies — so I have to enjoy what I have and the people in my life. Spend less time “doing” and more time “enjoying.” Read one less e-mail. Play a game with the girls. Shut off the TV at dinner and have a conversation. Have coffee with a friend. Make sure to take the time to unwind. And to dream.
7. Crisis = Opportunity
Finally, I have given myself the gift of believing that everything happens for a reason, even if I can’t understand why at the time. If I allow myself to treat a crisis as a potential opportunity, I might find myself one day in the future saying, “I’m so glad that happened because if it hadn’t then: I might not have learned something. Understood something. Gotten to the place where I am today.”
This is part of an article I just read and thought I'd share.
It was written by Tina Pennington (aka Red) and it's a bit about the book she wrote with her sister, Mandy Williams (aka Black). The book is called What I Learned About Life When My Husband Got Fired! a real approach to personal finance and prioritizing your life.
And here are the 7 lessons
Seven Lessons
During my crisis, I put together a list I could review whenever I needed help remembering the glass is half-full. It's as applicable today as it was when I first wrote it. Hopefully it can help you navigate any crisis you find yourself in.
1. Take My Head Out of the Sand
Whether financial or personal — avoiding the truth won’t change the facts. It certainly will NOT make the situation better. Nor will it make the situation go away. Problems will lie dormant only until such time as they’re too big to continue ignoring. Acknowledging a problem (and the earlier, the better) is a HUGE first step towards doing something positive.
2. Eat the Elephant One Bite at a Time
This applies to many large issues or projects. Situations which become bigger the longer I delay addressing them. Which then can become another excuse for not dealing with them. A vicious circle! But I can tackle/deal with/solve anything; I CAN eat an elephant, just not all at one time. I initially applied this concept to our financial situation and later used it for less urgent projects, such as my daughter’s scrapbooks. Now I find myself using this concept whenever I have large tasks to tackle that in the past I’d have kept postponing, such as the growing mountain range of paper in my “workroom”.
3. Communication Includes Dialogue
My sister and I talk a lot about communication in our book, and there’s no question that it’s absolutely critical to any relationship. But now I’ve added the word “dialogue.” A cooperative spouse is great, or a close friend, a sister — anyone who will listen and be available to bounce ideas around. Few of us want to go through life alone, but communication becomes even more important during a crisis, yet often that’s when we feel most alone. I’m lucky to have Black in my life, but if I didn’t there are support groups. I would never try to get through a crisis alone.
4. Be Honest with the Mirror
I made a commitment that I’ll try to be honest with myself — about what’s important to me, what will make me happy (I don’t mean winning the lottery), what I want from life. I need to be open to the thoughts of friends and family (NOT society at large) about what’s important to them, but I treat them as a “menu of options” — not definitive answers. And I remind myself that when I think the grass might be greener somewhere else, in reality I may be looking at Astroturf.
5. It’s Just Stuff And Fluff
Spending time and money chasing “things” is a waste of time and money. (Beyond basic needs, of course.) Besides, it isn’t a good example to set for children — especially since they learn more by “Monkey see — Monkey do” than they do by “Do as I say, not as I do.” At the end of the day, the most important things are my beliefs, my values, my priorities, my loved ones, my memories. The things money can’t buy. The rest is just fluff.
6. Slow Down and Enjoy
Life can change in an instant — a spouse gets fired, a family member gets seriously ill, a loved one dies — so I have to enjoy what I have and the people in my life. Spend less time “doing” and more time “enjoying.” Read one less e-mail. Play a game with the girls. Shut off the TV at dinner and have a conversation. Have coffee with a friend. Make sure to take the time to unwind. And to dream.
7. Crisis = Opportunity
Finally, I have given myself the gift of believing that everything happens for a reason, even if I can’t understand why at the time. If I allow myself to treat a crisis as a potential opportunity, I might find myself one day in the future saying, “I’m so glad that happened because if it hadn’t then: I might not have learned something. Understood something. Gotten to the place where I am today.”
Wish I was 10 again
Just think about how great our lives were when we were 10.
No alarm clocks and mobile phones beeping like crazy in our heads to wake us up on time. Instead mom would come to wake me up and would always let me sleep another 5 minutes (and another 5, and another 5) until she pulled my covers and made me get up so I wouldn't be late.
Then I didn't have to think about what to have for breakfast, little less make it. I'd walk into the kitchen and there was a big cup of hot cocoa waiting for me.
After that, I already knew the routine mom would always 'gently' remind me of, yelling - go brush your teeth, put on your uniform, get your backpack, here's your snack.
Off to school, she would drive us.
At school, again everything was pre-determined. Little bit of learning, little bit of finger painting. And the most important decisions and dilemmas I was faced with was if I wanted to play house or in the playground during recess, and what color was I going to paint the walls of my house in the drawing I made for my parents.
Life was so easy and so beautiful and I didn't know.
Then I turned 15 and I wanted freedom.
Freedom to go out with boys, to go to the mall with my friends. To go out at night.
Freedom to do whatever I wanted, go wherever I wanted and not have to obey my parents. I knew better. At least at that point I thought I did.
Spent so much energy and time during my teen years dreaming of the moment I would go live on my own. Be my own boss. Do whatever I wanted and not have to explain myself to anyone.
It was a dream so distant...
But now here I am, with all that freedom I wanted so badly, for so long.
And?!?!?!
And I'd change it all for one more day being 10 and a big cup of hot cocoa for breakfast.
No alarm clocks and mobile phones beeping like crazy in our heads to wake us up on time. Instead mom would come to wake me up and would always let me sleep another 5 minutes (and another 5, and another 5) until she pulled my covers and made me get up so I wouldn't be late.
Then I didn't have to think about what to have for breakfast, little less make it. I'd walk into the kitchen and there was a big cup of hot cocoa waiting for me.
After that, I already knew the routine mom would always 'gently' remind me of, yelling - go brush your teeth, put on your uniform, get your backpack, here's your snack.
Off to school, she would drive us.
At school, again everything was pre-determined. Little bit of learning, little bit of finger painting. And the most important decisions and dilemmas I was faced with was if I wanted to play house or in the playground during recess, and what color was I going to paint the walls of my house in the drawing I made for my parents.
Life was so easy and so beautiful and I didn't know.
Then I turned 15 and I wanted freedom.
Freedom to go out with boys, to go to the mall with my friends. To go out at night.
Freedom to do whatever I wanted, go wherever I wanted and not have to obey my parents. I knew better. At least at that point I thought I did.
Spent so much energy and time during my teen years dreaming of the moment I would go live on my own. Be my own boss. Do whatever I wanted and not have to explain myself to anyone.
It was a dream so distant...
But now here I am, with all that freedom I wanted so badly, for so long.
And?!?!?!
And I'd change it all for one more day being 10 and a big cup of hot cocoa for breakfast.
23 July 2011
At least we made it to 30
Just saw the news about Amy Winehouse being found dead in her flat in London today. We still don't know what was the cause of her death but I'm gonna guess it was something drug and alcohol related.
I wasn't exactly a fan, but what gets me on this is that she was ONLY 27 years old.
Here I am writing about all the questions I have as I became 30, about not knowing what I want and what is my 'mission' in this world... And some people are done before that.
I guess it puts things back in perspective.
Aren't we all LUCKY we're sober enough to be 30 and full of doubts? ;-)
Taking the opportunity to remember some of my favorite musicians that unfortunately left us way too soon.
Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison
All strangely enough also at the age of 27.
I wasn't exactly a fan, but what gets me on this is that she was ONLY 27 years old.
Here I am writing about all the questions I have as I became 30, about not knowing what I want and what is my 'mission' in this world... And some people are done before that.
I guess it puts things back in perspective.
Aren't we all LUCKY we're sober enough to be 30 and full of doubts? ;-)
Taking the opportunity to remember some of my favorite musicians that unfortunately left us way too soon.
Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison
All strangely enough also at the age of 27.
22 July 2011
Now what?!?!?!
Once upon a time, there was a little girl, full of dreams. This little girl dreamt she would grow up to be a ballerina. And that when she was old, around 25, she would get married to prince charming - of course! Then she would have 2 children, the first would be a girl, when she was 27. And then a boy when she was 29. They would be a beautiful family, living in a nice big house with a garden and a dog. And they would live happily ever after.
Well, this little girl is now 30 years old. She is not a ballerina. She's also not married and has no kids.
So the inevitable question is, what went wrong?
I'll tell you what. Everything and nothing!!!
It's funny to stop and think back to what we idealized our lives would be like when we were younger and now look at where we are. I was way off in my predictions. Good thing I didn't decide to be a psychic or an astrologer. That would have been catastrophic.
Nevertheless, looking back at those memories also makes me wonder if I have made the right choices and worse, brings up all kinds of doubts and questions.
I think we all have had numerous existential crises throughout our lives, but for some reason this one now, feels a bit more serious. All of the sudden you start hearing terms like biological clock and there is some kind of 'invisible' pressure. Well, not so invisible. Let's think about it. You find yourself having to buy 5 different fancy dresses per year due to all the weddings you need to attend. People are off to do MBA's, getting promotions and talking about their ambitious career plans. You're almost becoming an expert on brands of diapers. The pictures on your friend's facebook pages are no longer a bunch of drunks making total fools out of themselves, but people in suits and lots of cute laughing babies!
And here you are. 30 something years old, still kinda lost and absolutely completely clueless about what you really want.
Is that just me???
Well, I didn't think so. That's why I decided to start this blog. Let's share our doubts and anxieties!!!!
I know I have a few friends 'suffering' from the same problems, and I suspect there are more of us out there.
Maybe we can learn from each other.
If not, at least we can laugh about it together!!! :-)
Well, this little girl is now 30 years old. She is not a ballerina. She's also not married and has no kids.
So the inevitable question is, what went wrong?
I'll tell you what. Everything and nothing!!!
It's funny to stop and think back to what we idealized our lives would be like when we were younger and now look at where we are. I was way off in my predictions. Good thing I didn't decide to be a psychic or an astrologer. That would have been catastrophic.
Nevertheless, looking back at those memories also makes me wonder if I have made the right choices and worse, brings up all kinds of doubts and questions.
I think we all have had numerous existential crises throughout our lives, but for some reason this one now, feels a bit more serious. All of the sudden you start hearing terms like biological clock and there is some kind of 'invisible' pressure. Well, not so invisible. Let's think about it. You find yourself having to buy 5 different fancy dresses per year due to all the weddings you need to attend. People are off to do MBA's, getting promotions and talking about their ambitious career plans. You're almost becoming an expert on brands of diapers. The pictures on your friend's facebook pages are no longer a bunch of drunks making total fools out of themselves, but people in suits and lots of cute laughing babies!
And here you are. 30 something years old, still kinda lost and absolutely completely clueless about what you really want.
Is that just me???
Well, I didn't think so. That's why I decided to start this blog. Let's share our doubts and anxieties!!!!
I know I have a few friends 'suffering' from the same problems, and I suspect there are more of us out there.
Maybe we can learn from each other.
If not, at least we can laugh about it together!!! :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)